Tantrum Warehouse
Tact Free Since 2003

Scarlett Vs. Barry

In my head my dogs have some unique voices. Darla is definitely a southern belle. I can imagine her with the drawl in a high-pitched voice that turns angry very quickly. Very Scarlett O'Hara. I can imagine her saying things like, "Get your Yankee ass over here and pick me up!" and "Would you be a darling and get me a cookie? I am just wasting away to nothing." Buster sounds like Barry White. Very deep and low and smooth. I can imagine bimbos following him around and doting on him. I can easily picture him smoking a cigar and drinking bourbon in a high-class gentlemen's club.

Am I sick or what?

The reason I bring this up is that they were fighting this morning. Darla stole his chewy and then he sat on her head. It was mainly the two of them trying to eat each other but in my head it went more like this:

Buster: "Now darlin, you shouldn't take a man's chewy. I was using that."

Darla: "I wouldn't lower myself to chew your bone if it was the last one in this house. This is MY chewy you Yankee swine. Unhand me this minute."

Buster: "Darlin, you are leaving me no choice but to sit on you. Maybe you did this just to get my attention. "

Darla (voice muffled by the ass in her mouth): "Get off me you awful brute. I will tell my father and he will call you out."

At this point Darla usually bites him which I imagine is the same thing as rapping him on the nose with her fan if she had hands. And a fan.

Maybe I spend too much time thinking about this.

Travis really appears to be moving. I mean he hasn't packed anything yet but as far as I can tell that is normal male behavior. In my experience men just throw their crap in a garbage bag the day of the move and call that packing. Except for their television. That they wrap in every material possible in order to protect it from harm.

For all the shit I talk about him I will miss Travis. Don't get me wrong I am glad he is moving. Because J and I haven't really got to enjoy our house on our own yet. But he is an interesting person and if we forget about his bratty behavior of the past few months he has been a good friend to us both.

I think his living with us hasn't been so good for him though. For all his bluster I think he is a little shy and our house makes it awfully easy to not go anywhere or meet anyone. He can just sit in his bedroom on the Hot or Not website and not face anyone. Moose (the guy he is moving in with) will push him out into the world more I think. I hope.

At any rate, planning for my new room has begun. I picked out some paint yesterday at Home Depot. I want aqua. It sounds peaceful to me but still enough color to cheer me up. J and I go to the paint department and Home Depot does not disappoint. They have dozens of shades of aqua and one is perfect. It whispers "sleazy gay bar in Miami" without shouting it from the rooftop. Lovely. I wanted to check out accent colors for my color of choice but two hillbilly children were hogging the machine. So rather than making a scene I will have to pick my accent color later. Still. Exciting!

I think I will go chair shopping today. I need a chair for this room and J will be gone all day at school.

And I don't want to be home alone all day refereeing Scarlett and Barry, Round 212.

10:42 a.m. :: comment ::
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