Tantrum Warehouse
Tact Free Since 2003

I am Sure the Daughters of the American Revolution Will Call Any Day

My apologies to anyone who read last nightís entry about my grandpa and was confused. I know it was not bitchy or even mildly humorous which is a little out of out character for me. I was a little melancholy thinking about him last night.

It will probably happen again.

Last nightís boyís night turned into boyís night + Anyabeth. Our pal Keith, Travis, Jeremy and I all played Monkeyball, got drunk and played Uno Attack. Good fun was had by all. I realized after playing Uno Attack while drunk (which causes more drinking and more swearing than you can imagine) that I do not use the work wanker enough. Also missing from the rotation are fuckface, fuckstick and asswipe. I really need to call more people asswipes. Really. All of these words are so useful in almost every situation. Except at work, I must remember that.

Did I mention what a HUGE hit Travisí shopping trip was? He looked so much better when I made him model for all of his. Keith was very jealous of the vintage Hawaiian shirt I had found and he decided to keep everything. He just might get laid this decade. Without paying. Maybe.

Travis is supposed to be moving tomorrow. He has packed exactly five boxes. Five boxes with every goddamn thing he owns. Of course that isnít even all his shit in the bathroom let alone the kitchen and his eighteen million magazines in the living room. This does not surprise me at all and yet it still pisses me off. What a goddamn fuckfaced wanker. Seriously, because I know he expects me to do it for him tomorrow. And I am not. Because I have done it the last three times he has moved. It is SO unbelievably rude to tell people to come help you move and then not be ready. My parents, who have no attachment to Travis at all, are coming to help tomorrow. And we are all going to be sitting around, twiddling our thumbs while tickles tries in vain to pull his shit together. Itís the same old story and is an excellent example of why I am thrilled he is moving out.

Another reason is last night during our drunken game night. He suddenly jumps up and goes to a party. Now he is the ONLY one that is completely plowed. He couldnít even remember how to play cards. But he drives to Woodinville. Which is like twenty miles from here. This is after he already has one DWI conviction. Look Trav, I know you are from Nebraska and driving drunk there is a way of life. But itís a crime here, whether or not you are a cornhusker so quit being such a fuckstick.

Went and bought all the paint for my new room. Then I carried all the furniture that I needed to paint down to the garage to spend four hours sanding and painting. Gave myself an ugly migraine, bruised knees and a stiff neck but my desk, two bookcases and chair all look amazingly better. Our big plan is to paint the room and move all my shit in on Monday. Of course if asswipe Travis doesnít get his dumb ass in gear we will still be moving him. WANKER.

Last night I realized how much we have both missed our pal Keith. We live much farther from him than we used to (and he is not so good with the leaving the house thing). He also has many hobbies including remodeling his house, restoring a car and playing in a bad that take up a lot of his time. But we have missed him. I need to make more of an effort with his girlfriend Tiffany. I like her, but even after four years she and I have not become friends. You would think that in four years we could come up with something to bring us together. So far no dice.

Keith told us a story last night that exemplifies why she and I can like one another and yet not take that to friendship level. She makes him go outside to fart. Even in winter. She also doesnít belch. They have lived together for four years! I know that I am a relaxed wife. I donít care if he belches, farts, looks at porn, jokes about sleeping with the neighbors or has a close female friend. She doesnít let him do any of that. Itís not that I think she is wrong. I just donít understand it. Just like I am sure that she doesnít understand me at all. Actually most women donít, which is how last night, I came to be drinking and playing Uno Attack with three men and amazing with my ability to belch my full name.

I am so classy. Really. I can see my mother blushing with pride from here.

9:03 p.m. :: comment ::
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