Tantrum Warehouse
Tact Free Since 2003

Let Them Have Porn

Painting takes forever.

I know this is hardly a newsflash. Every time I paint I am struck by this truth. We started at nine this morning and we just finished the second coat on the trim.

It is beautiful. My mother doesn't understand why I need my own room. J and I share a bedroom. There are just two of us in this house. But while the space is available why shouldn't I have my own space? Once we get the furniture in it's going to be fantastic. I have my own computer, my books, my paints, my easel, everything. Give me a hotplate and a fridge and I might never come out.

J and I are not the kind of married couple that spends every second together. We are the kind that has our own interests and spend time together when there is something that we both enjoy. A lot of people don't understand this.

Again, I am always amazed by how much other people know about your marriage even when they don't know both of you all that well. I am told all the time that I shouldn't "let" my husband have so many boys' nights. How I shouldn't "allow" him to play video games or collect comic books or have so many hobbies. I could understand this last concern if they were worried that he might become so nerdy that he will be taken from me in order to be studied somewhere in secret. But if they are just worried we have nothing to do together then they are just smoking crack.

Shut it people. I don't judge you for throwing a tantrum if your husband or boyfriend wants to leave the house without you. I don't shake my head in dismay when you keep him from his friends or interests.

Oh wait. I do. Because it must be awful to be so damn insecure that you can't stand for him to have a good time without you. And he must be a serious manwhore if he can't come here to play video games because you are worried he might be cheating. I am the only female here and I wouldn't touch him with your hands.

Just don't call to check up on him with me. Don't ask me to be your spy. Because frankly, I feel sorry for him. It must be awful to grow up, leave home and suddenly realize that you have brought your mother with you. Except this mama doesn't want you to grow up.

Also, let him fart inside the house. Seriously, he shouldn't have to hold it that long. He paid for half of it. Let him have a beer with his buddies. Let him read porn. Hasn't he earned it? It's ok to let him have fun. I promise he won't run off. He will probably stick around longer. Especially if you pull that stick out of your ass and have some fun too.

I know that seems wrong. Married and committed couples shouldn't have fun together. Marriage isn't about enjoying each other or liking each other. It's about making your man suffer.

Stop shaking your head at me that I let MLH run wild. I trust him. Besides, if I don't let him out then I am stuck with him at home all the time.

And no one wants that.

2:56 p.m. :: comment ::
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