Tantrum Warehouse
Tact Free Since 2003

Even Forrest Gump Had Good Diction

I have a serious problem. I cannot fucking take it when people mumble. Particularly those who work in the service industry. I need to be able to hear and understand you dimwit. Seriously, some people sound like they are speaking with their mouth full of marbles and think they are in the goddamn library. This is particularly bad when people have accents. This is not a slam on accents. I live in a diverse area; lots of people have accents here. I myself sound like a cross between an okie and a redneck when upset. However, if you have an accent it is especially important to enunciate and speak slowly. And at a volume that is possible to hear with a human ear. Oh and slow the fuck down junior. Making a whole phrase one word makes it that much harder to get what you are saying. I am sorry; I don’t speak dumbfuckingassholish so you will have to bear with me for a moment.

My evil twin Monica (I really should just make a macro for that huh) and I went to McDonald’s for lunch today. The counter girl, the counter girl. I didn’t understand a single fucking word that came out of her mouth. It came out “welhmmmmplumchmmdshmmmkeORDER?” WTF!?!?!?! I had to strain to hear that too. Speak up. Pronounce each word slowly. Don’t slur you lush. So I said, “Pardon?” because I didn’t want to have to say that her diction sucked eggs. She glared at me like I was being racist. This isn’t about being racist sister. This is about at least giving me a shot at understanding you. I have this same problem in Alabama and I speak redneck for Christ’s sake!

She just kept slurring at me until I finally just nodded. I probably agreed to let the cook jack off into my burger for all I know. Pissed me the fuck off though.

So I can’t be as happy about Thursday as normal. I have to go to work tomorrow. For an award’s meeting. Which means I also have to wear business attire. The only way I am even able to force myself to do this is that A. one of my pals at work is winning the biggest award at our company at this meeting B. I get 40% off one of my favorite brands of shoes tomorrow. I am still bitter about having to drag my ass up before noon though.

J wants to watch football all weekend. Or at least the full weekend that he isn’t at school. I don’t really like football. It’s boring. He has been trying to teach me to like it--since I love most other sports. I am what is known in our neighborhood as a cool wife. I like hockey. And if you want to talk baseball than I am your girl. I play fantasy baseball with the guys. I argue trades. I watch Sportscenter and Baseball tonight (especially when my TV boyfriend Harold Reynolds is on). But football is like physical anthropology in college. I know if I studied hard and I applied myself I could ace it. But I can’t really figure out what that gets me in real life that fucking the professor couldn’t do just as well.

MLH is a big 49’ers fan. Since we bitterly fight about baseball (so badly that we have to have neutral teams in the other league to argue about) J thinks we should like the same team. So far I am going along with this, mainly because I don’t care and because Terrell Owens is hot.

Our neighbors are from Wisconsin and naturally love the Packers. So far my favorite thing about football is calling Kyle a cheesehead.

So football all weekend. It’s going to be such a long fall.

7:22 p.m. :: comment ::
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