Tantrum Warehouse
Tact Free Since 2003

Girls Gone Wild

I believe I have mentioned that I went to a women's college. I won't name it here because the last thing I need is for some prospective student to find this crap by googling the school. Let's just call it Dottey College.

When I talk to people about their college experiences I realize what a weird school I went to. Still, I think I had way more fun than any of those people.

Little tip for any parents, or parents-to-be-one-day out there--don't send your daughter to a women's college to "settle her down" or "straighten her out." Chances are she will come out of it even more fucked up than she went it--just way more confident about it. Tip for prospective students--yes, you will have sex and if it's your thing to have it with a man than you can do that too.

We were way wilder than kid's at "party schools" there was more booze just less drugs. And to confirm all the male fantasies out there I do recall a couple of pillow fights in out underwear. Hell, I think I remember one where we were all naked.

Actually, we were naked a lot. Here is the short list of things that Dottey students do naked (besides the usual shower, sleep, etc):

Pillow fights

Freeze tag


Running past the college President's house



Serenading men on motorcycles

That school is honestly the reason that I feel as comfortable about my body as I do. You can't see that many people naked and not realize that we all look pretty ridiculous nude except for rainboots and hat doing the dance number to "Singing in the Rain."

Now contrary to popular to popular belief there really weren't many lesbians. Lots of girls tried out a few things but honestly I think that happens just as much at co-ed schools. Most of us just milked the lesbian thing to manipulate family, friends and strangers.

"Hey! Buy me a beer and I will make out with my roommate!"

"Daddy, I have to have a single room or I will become a lesbian!"

"Honey is it really cheating if it's with a woman?" (the answer to this is always no and take photos).

No one ever became a lesbian by attending a women's college. Of course, no one who was inclined tha way ever stopped by going to one either.

I lived in a suite with ten other girls. Our favorite game was to take photographs of each other in the most embarrassing situations possible (and yes, these photos were really horrible to pick up at WalMart). I have pictures of those girls hanging upside down from a ceiling fan (yes, if you are small enough it's possible but yes it will eventually break), taking a shower, putting spaghetti noodles up their noses, playing naked feeze tag and taking a shit. Actually when I think about it, we spent a lot of time putting things up our noses and being naked.

All of these pictures are carefully hidden from MLH. But none of us will ever be President. How can you vote for some one after you have a seen a picture of them with their eyes crossed and a tampon shoved up one nostril?

6:23 a.m. :: comment ::
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