Tantrum Warehouse
Tact Free Since 2003

Sweater Vests, Silver Sneakers and Thou

Note to the woman in a big hurry trying to get in our office building this morning: high-waisted, tapered-leg pants with stacked loafers and a western belt makes you look about five feet wide and two feet tall. Second note: quit pushing me you crappy-clothes, wide-assed wench.

I get to work before six am. It is abnormal to be in that much of a hurry that early in the morning.

I feel hung over even though I didn't even get a drink last night. Just all achy and pukey. Damn Monica gave me her flu.

I got to be all agressive and and bitch out a salon yesterday. And since it was for Monica it was ok. It's called HELPING A FRIEND.

Monica got a haircut that was less than pleasing to her this weekend. Really, it wasn't that bad. It just wasn't so cute either. Her main mistake was letting this girl we knew in junior high BREANNE cut it for her. I don't care if she does work at a fancy schmancy salon and charges fifty bucks a cut, you don't let a girl that had bangs like hers in seventh grade cut your hair. Also, if you thought some one was a big brat in junior high maybe you shouldn't let them near your head with a razor.

SO I called the downtown location of this salon and got her a free fix-it haircut. I even convinced them that I was Monica, even with my blantantly midwestern accent and here obviously Asian last name.

I passed for Asian! Her family has to adopt me now!

Actually, I have figured out how to get just about anything from customer service people. It's my greatest gift. I get discounts on oil changes, I used to get free fruit at QFC (until this boy Bryan ruined EVERYTHING), I can get refunds for shoes I have worn, food that has rotted. Just about anything. Don't worry, I only use this power for good, not evil.

The husband had a rough day at his new contract job. It's on a naval base and he used to be in the Navy. J was not a good sailor. He is disrespectful, a free thinker and doesn't like authority. They shouldn't even let him on this base honestly, he was that bad of a sailor. Some officer yelled at him for not calling him sir. I'm just really glad he didn't get arrested. Today has to be better.

This man on the bus today was wearing silver running shoes. Like metallic silver. He rides this bus every morning with his mother. Am I picking up some interesting clues here or what? I really felt like telling him this morning that he isn't Elton John and this isn't Studio 54 and 1979 was twenty-four years ago. Seriously, silver running shoes. With cuffed pleated pants. And a sweater vest.

What the fuck is with sweater vests this season anyway? I blame that goddamn Gap for making people think that this is a good idea. Models in particular poses can pull of sweater vests. Almost everyone else ends up looking like Bill Gates or his unattractive twin sister Willhemina. So don't listen to the Gap propeganda this season--buy an entire sweater.

One with sleeves.

6:37 a.m. :: comment ::
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