Tantrum Warehouse
Tact Free Since 2003

Day Four/Day Five

Alright. More trip news. Ok, for anyone worried about J last night, he did not have a stroke before the game was over. But he almost did.

So Sunday we had to drag our cookies out of bed early (despite my previosuly drunken state) so that we could have breakfast with the family. Biscuits, gravy, the whole artery-clogging nightmare. It was Nanny, Jmom, Jbro and Grandma. During breakfast and after I was treated the Jmom, Jbro and J trying to one-up each other with stories. Unfortunately, I was brought up in a white bread household (or actually fortunately) and these stories terrified me (that is the unfortunate part). They talked about beatings they had gotten and the house they lived in that was haunted (that story will have to wait until another time). Also mentioned were drugs (including the ones that grew in their yard) and relatives that have been arrested. Jmom even was kind enough to tell J about a cousin of his who died giving birth in prison. No one but me seemed shocked by this.

I suppose that I should have been more prepared. But I couldn't even listen to them.

We all went outside so that J and Jmom could get some of their old stuff out of Grandma's garage. I sat on the patio with Nanny until she started to panic. I guess everytime Jmom comes for some of her things she makes a big mess and Nanny has to clean it up. And they were making a HUGE mess, pulling down boxes and kicking up dust everywhere. Now I know that J would never leave a mess for his Nanny to clean up--he just isn't that way but to calm her down I went in to help them. This was a huge mistake. There was dust and mold everywhere and I am allergic to both of those things. And the things they had saved were alarming. Jmom had a jar of Loony's hair saved. And all of the balloons from the hospital when Jbro fell off of a cliff. Crazy things.

I got a massive migraine from the dust and mold. J was so involved with his family he didn't really notice. After we had been there for about six hours he saw my white face and realized we better get out of there. When we pulled away I started crying.

As stupid as it sounds, I cannot bear what happened to him when he was a child. He tells me stories, one at a time, spaced apart because they make me cry. I have always known how lucky I was to have the parents that I do, but I still believe that every child should be so lucky. And this trip confirmed to me that I will NEVER leave Jmom alone with my kids when we have them. I do not care what J says. If she could allow these things to happen then she has given up those rights. Nanny even told me a story about how she and J's grandma wanted to kidnap him when he was young. They were visiting and J was having nightmares about alligators. When they visited the house they saw that Loony was storing reptile tanks with alligators and snakes next to J's bed. He was only six years old.

I remember when I first met J and how different he was than he is now. He had this skewed sense of what was normal which I think I have broken him of now. But I see where it comes from. He now has this hunger for nice things: high thread-count sheets, large and soft bath towels, clothes that were purchased new and from a store--things that I have taught him to appreciate. I saw how they all looked at him, and in turn at me. They don't understand him anymore and honestly I think that is a good thing.

We got back to our hotel and J bullied me into taking a vicodin for the ugly migraine I had. Those always make me pass out so we took a nice three hour nap and then got up to go see Billy.

Billy had homework to finish so we sat in the living room of his mother's house and talked to Angela. She was actually really nice and even J admitted that maybe she had grown up a bit. You know, when she wasn't stoned while taking care of her child.

Angela's husband, Paula's husband and Seth had gone bear hunting and they brought the poor thing home in pieces. I am sure this delighted their new neighbors in the mansions across the street. I am from the Midwest so hunting doesn't shock me but I don't understand hunting bear. The meat is terrible and there is so much of it you couldn't possible need it all. We dragged Billy out of there to go see Kill Bill.

Damn that was a good movie. VIOLENT. I had forgotten how violent Tarentino is. But Uma is a badass. Lucy Lui is a badass. And Uma is HOT. Damn. She used to be a little scrawny but having kids not only gave her a nice rack but some meat on her ass too. All three of us were admiring Uma.

After the movie we went back to the house. Seth was there, drunk drunk and more drunk. I actually hadn't met him before. What an ass-stick. Sat there in his drunk, drug-addicted 22 year old glory and gave J career advice. Not that he understand what J went to school for or what he does. Not that he knows anything about working since he doesn't work. So shut it Seth. Thanks.

The kicker? I don't think anyone ever asked me anything about me. What is that? By getting married did I become so unimportant. When we went to see my family in Iowa this summer all they wanted to do was talk about J and I decided that it was because he was the new member to the family. But has this been about him being the man all along? Just so everyone knows, I have a job, I have goals, I have interests that have nothing to do with him.


That is the worst thing about being married. People stop giving a shit about you as a person.

We took a bunch of pictures (still not ready for here but I promise someday) of the houses and trailer. Trust me. Worth it.

We didn't get back until late and we were getting up at four to go home.

Day Five wasn't that interesting. We left town early. Drove until J couldn't keep his eyes open and stopped to sleep. For some reason I woke up and was REALLY awake so I drove for a bit. When he woke up we were almost to Lake Shasta and I was just getting some gas. I had a migraine still so he bullied me into taking a vicodin even though that meant he would have to drive the rest of the way. I passed OUT.

I don't remember most of the ride home. Just talking and sleeping, sometimes at the same time. Trying to process the trip and what had happened I guess.

We got to my mom and dad's and were given a hero's welcome. I think Buster and Darla were so relieved that we came back that we were forgiven immediately.

I had the same thought after this trip that I did after the one to Iowa to see my family.

You are not them. They are not you. You won't end up like that.

God I hope it's true.

10:40 a.m. :: comment ::
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