Tantrum Warehouse
Tact Free Since 2003


Make sure you go read J's Guest Entry if you haven't already. Just in case you don't believe me when I tell you what kind of man I married.

So. Crazy-assed thing happened yesterday.

I was cruising travel sites looking for cheap plane fares to go see J's brother graduate this June. I was seriously just thinking what a kick-ass wife I am to do this for him when technically, given our marriage's division of labor, he should be doing this because it's his family. I had about nine million applications open and I accidentally pulled up his email.

Now I am not a snoop. Ok I am a snoop but I try really hard to be. In fact, I don't think I have ever even looked at his email. What was I going to find? The latest scoop on Star Wars action figures at garage sales? Wrestling gossip? Who the fuck cares.

But there in his sent items folder, in the preview pane, was an email detailing some sort of on-line mistress, S&M thing that threw me for a serious loop.

And then I snooped.

Found emails from this gal too. Weird shit. Things I didn't think he would be in to. Like bowing and scraping at the alter of womanhood.

What the fuck?

Got pissed. In part because he hadn't told me (which is kind of a lie). In part because of what he was doing (though I don't know if it would have bothered me had he just told me). And in part because I felt like Snoopy McNoseybitch.

He was in the bath, so I flung open the door and snapped, "if you don't want me to read your email then you shouldn't leave it up."

Went to our bedroom and slammed the door.

Aren't I the most mature girl you have ever met?

He came in and was a little distraught, said he didn't know what I was talking about. I told him to go read his sent items folder and he would. At this point I was ready for a fight because if I hadn't KNOWN what he had done I would have believed him. He looked so sincere, so confused. He comes back and tells me that he didn't write those emails.

Of course Snoopy McNoseybitch knows better because SHE SAW THEM. Until he mentions what he had told me earlier, that our computer got hacked into via a file-sharing program. And that it would be pretty easy for them to email using that program.

I mean he can't prove it but the second he said that I knew that he wasn't lying. Even though I had this moment where I was like "but every woman ever on Oprah says that she trusted her husband and she just ignored the signs."

The truth is the man isn't stupid, he would have just done something like that on a hotmail account so I couldn't find him. And honestly, he would have told me. Because I probably wouldn't have cared. Well I might have but he wouldn't have thought that before yesterday.

And one of the emails used the name Aiden. At the time I assumed it was a code name but now realize was probably the actual name. And some of this stuff was really weird. Sounded very sci-fi role playing. While J likes sci-fi I am not sure he finds it sexual. If he does I would like to remain in denial about that.

I felt bad for yelling at him but I think he was just really happy that I believed him. Of course then he looks at me and says, "you are going to write about this in your diary aren't you?"


So hackers of the world. Please don't get into married men's email accounts and email your cybermistresses. It makes it really messy for those guys. And makes you a giant asshole.

Of course now I know a few things about myself. Like if J wants to bark like a dog or lick a woman's feet he is just going to have to do it at home. Apparently, I don't like to share the degredation of my husband with anyone.

7:02 a.m. :: comment ::
prev :: next