Tantrum Warehouse
Tact Free Since 2003

Snoring Pug Barely Escapes Strangulation By Owner

At three this morning I had an alarming experience.

I heard this noise. A loud noise. A noise that was like a moaning, groaning, wailing and whining sound. Muffled through a speaker. For minute I thought that a cow had called my phone, got the answering machine and was giving loud, noisy and messy birth through the speaker phone. To an elephant. Not that I know what this would sound like exactly as it has never happened to me. But I imagine it would be like mooing, only squealier and with squishy fluid sounds.

I seriously thought that this was happening. I even yelled at least once for J to "get the goddamn phone."

It wasn't a cow giving birth to an elephant on my answering machine. It was Buster snoring.

I rolled him over. And he opened one eye enough to glare at me. GLARE AT ME! Damn dog.

Had to restrain myself from killing him.

Then I went and did a google search for Breathe Right strips for pugs.

Damn dog.


Dynasty got engaged on Christmas Eve. For those of you too lazy to search the archives (including me) Dynasty is the gal that I sit next to at work. She is darling. I adore her. But since she has started here she has bitched because her boyfriend hadn't asked her to marry him.

I don't know which one of us is happier really.

He did it in very romantic fashion. Like one of those diamond commercials with birds and Christmas lights and everyone is very pretty.

My proposal was not like that.

I didn't think people actually did that honestly.

I was telling J about it and I saw his face start to fall and I could tell he was thinking that he hadn't really done something so romantic or special.

But the truth is, he did.

See he didn't get down on one knee, or ask my father or plan a big carriage ride. I am not sure I would have married some one who did that.

He just asked me. And the way he said it made me think that he had been thinking about it and he could just not hold in that question for even one minute longer. That he wanted to marry so much that he didn't care if my father approved or if the weather was right. He had to know right now.

And to me, that is more romantic than anything else.

It just makes a shitty-assed story.

7:25 a.m. :: comment ::
prev :: next