Tantrum Warehouse
Tact Free Since 2003

Blue January

2004-01-05
It is so cold here. The kind of cold that sinks into your bones and doesnít leave. Not until you have bundled under your covers, drank hot chocolate and sat in front of a fireplace for hours. Sadly, I am at work where there is no fireplace, I have no covers and I donít even have hot chocolate. So I will be cold all day. Which suits my mood honestly. I do not feel cranky or crabby. Just melancholy. Which is normal for January.

In January my whole world just seems blue. Last week, just before New Years, my pal Heather found out her niece is dying. Her mother called her at work; she ran from her desk and tried not to cry into the conference room. We all just stood outside the door trying to decide what to do. Turns out it is a genetic disorder and many of the other people in her family may have it too.

Alarming.

My grandmother is sick. She isnít telling us but my grandfather let it slip.

My sister is still fighting with my parents.

My husband still does not have a permanent job.

The truth is I have no right to feel blue at all. I have a great life. I have a husband who loves me and a marriage that is much stronger than it really should be at our age. I have a family that I love and very close relationships with my parents. And someday my sister will come back to us. My grandparents are still alive and well, all four of them in their eighties. Most people my age do not even have one left. I have a beautiful home and enough money to pay for it. J doesnít have a job but he will soon, he has a lot of skills and we just need to be patient.

And I have this. As stupid as it sounds. There is something about writing whatever is going on in your day or in your head that at least makes me feel better. So I am happy to be doing this.

Ok. Must start working.

8:55 a.m. :: comment ::
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