Tantrum Warehouse
Tact Free Since 2003

Slut Red

The gods are going to take away my girl badge because I am admitting something. Something very serious.

I am afraid to buy cosmetics at the department store.

I am terrified of the salespeople, the counters, the other extremely judging customers. HATE IT.

This is terribly wrong I know. Even my mother, who doesn't even wear makeup loves to just poke around at those counters. I, however, just want to bolt over to Shoes. Shoes are my friends. They do not try to sell my blue mascara.

I feel fairly comfortable with make up. I don't wear a lot because I look better without too much. I know what colors look good on me, I know how to choose a foundation. I know never to buy one with pink it or I will look like a rhubarb. I know not to buy cream eye shadow no matter how fun it looks because my skin is only enough it will slide right off. I know that I cannot ever ever come to work without eyebrow pencil. NEVER.

Lipstick is my kryptonite though. I cannot choose the color. I cannot choose a formula. I always end up with a pinky brown (same color as lip) in a glossy formula. Other than that I am lost. Completely and utterly lost. This is fine for daytime. This is more than acceptable for daytime. I look professional but still cute.


Sucks for evening. Because unfortunately, I cannot wear a lot of eye makeup. Monica will disagree but Monica will be wrong. I have nice eyes. They are a nice shape, they are even a pretty color. However, I have the palest skin ever seen not in a vampire movie. And pale skin, light eyes and light hair do not allow for much eye makeup. It is very easy to look "junior-high-girl-wears-too-much-eyeshadow-and-then-got-punched-in-the-face" very quickly for me. So for evening I like to do a very simple eye and dark lips. Or I would like to do that. Except I did not own a dark lip color anymore as my dog ate my last one. Seriously. And no you do not want to see what that did to him. Really you don't.

I decided I wanted red. Classic. Sexy. Dramatic. Scary.

Red is the hardest color to choose. Not something to do on my own. So I went to the MAC counter.

MAC not only has good colors but their sales people are generally too snotty to talk to you. But Monica and I did find a very nice one. Actually this is two times in a row for me--I think the trick is to pick a man. Just saying. Gay men. Just want to make you over.

So he helped me choose. Many were too orange. A couple were to severe. I smeared all of them all over my face. I looked stupid trying to put them on. This is the other thing. Something in my brain does not work, I cannot put lipstick on from a tube. I have to use a lipbrush. At home. With no one watching me.

I love the names of the colors. Tart. Carnal. I looked for Hootchie but found nothing. Maybe it will be a shade for spring.

So we found one. I wasn't 100% sure in the store. But when I got home and used the lipbrush and lipliner and no one was watching me I loved it.

And my husband said it was slutty. Which sounds mean but from him is a compliment.


J had an interview yesterday. WHEEEEEEE! I never worry about him in interviews because people always love him. He is so charming and funny. Sickening really. If I go I get so nervous and shy I can't say anything or else it is too formal and I spend the rest of my time at the job hoping that my boss will forget that interview altogether. Hate him. But it sounds like it went great so everyone keep your fingers crossed. I promise to write something more interesting than about lipstick if he gets a job.

REALLY. I know I never have but I WILL.

7:01 a.m. :: comment ::
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