Tantrum Warehouse
Tact Free Since 2003

Lipgloss and Wills

My mother and I went to a fashion show this weekend. The big giant retailer I work for was having one very early in the morning at our location in a rich snooty suburb and my mother really wanted to go. Ok. So I got up at 6:30 on a SATURDAY to make myself look presentable (on a SATURDAY) and drive thirty miles for this fashion show. You better believe that I love my mother.

Then she calls me as she is pulling in. She doesn't want to go in. Because she saw a woman wearing a full length mink coat and she now feels like she is underdressed. I assure my mother that I am sure she looks fine and that this is rich snooty suburbia and many of the older women here look like refugees from Dynasty.

My mother did not look fine though. I am not sure what possessed her. She was wearing a white sweater with a stain on it, baggy jeans that I think were three sizes too large, her very dressy red leather jacket, sneakers and carrying a hot pink vinyl handbag.

But I was brought up right. I lied straight to her face. Said she looked fine. And apparently God does not strike you down immediately with thunderbolts for lying to your mother. This is information that is good to have.

And it was a fun fashion show. We had a great time. I don't know why we didn't ever go before because that is totally our sort of thing. Then we went and spent five hundred dollars before 9am on clothes for her vacation. I have never seen my mother shop like that. It is amazing. She will drop that amount on other people in a flash but never for herself. She will look darling on her vacation. Perhaps the trick to finding cute clothes is to look as though you really really need them. And frighten sales girls with hot pink vinyl handbags.

My mother also got a makeover! It was so exciting. My mom does not wear make up. EVER. And she is beautiful. She has great skin and pretty eyes and she really should. But she never learned how and always felt ridiculous. And in my latest act as a good daughter I took her to the Bobbi Brown counter. They really did an amazing job. Just concealer and blush and lipgloss and she looked even younger than normal. The makeup gal was shocked when my mom told her she was 57. And she wasn't lying. I can tell. It made me so happy to see my mom look so pretty. Because I think she really felt like she looked good. Which has never happened. My mother would tell you she looked terrible on her wedding day (despite photographic evidence to the contrary). She just has some serious self esteem issues.

Then over our lunch she tells me she and my dad are re-writing their will. This is undoubtedly a good thing since in the current version my uncle's now ex-wife (he has been married twice since her) was in charge of our money and depending on whether she was eighteen or not my sister was my guardian. My sister is damned near thirty years old. I think this fucker was written when we still lived in Iowa for crying outloud.

They are naming me as executor. This is only out of convenience. I live here. Near them. And honestly it is just me and my sister to hash it out. But still, she will not take this news lightly. Especially since it is bound to be told to her when my parents are dead.

And it scares me that we are talking about this stuff. I mean we have to. My parents are not old but they are not young either. And my father never dreamed that with his health that he would ever even make it to fifty.

But still it was a little unreal. To be sitting in Red Robin with my mother. Talking about how she thinks my sister should have the sapphire ring and I can have the diamond earrings. About how one day they will be gone and she and I will only have each other. Over turkey burgers we talked about this. And my mother was wearing lipstick.

I am not well enough for this.

7:24 a.m. :: comment ::
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