My Dad is a Trend Whore

My dad is an accountant. I mean, he has a fancy pants title of Executive Chief Financial Officer or something but he is an accountant. This means that I was brought up with some crazy paranoia about money and worry about spending and our debt to income ratio and credit rating way more than is normal for some one of my age. Also I have a distinct memory of loaning my sister fifty dollars when I was 5 years old. How did a 5 year old get fifty bucks? Well, she looks damn cute and everyone gives her a quarter when they see her. That wasn't even my whole savings. And I only charged her ten percent interest. That is a pretty good rate for some one with almost no credit history.

At any rate my dad is anal about money and when bills should be paid etc. But, I have to give him snaps. He understood when we were kids about how we had to have the trendy thing or follow fads. Even if those fads were expensive and stupid. Apparently, he has painful memories of being the only boy in school wearing the wrong penny loafer or some shit. I wasn't really paying attention when this story was told. I was eleven. I just wanted some GUESS jeans!

At any rate my sister and I did not suffer this same fate. We had GUESS jeans. And Air Jordans to wear in gym class. In fact, I think my dad is the only parent who ever really bought into that "but all my friends have one" argument. That argument was actually the only one that ever really worked on my dad at all. It justified just about anything.

This is how I had this conversation with my dad.

D: Your mother went to this handbag party.

A: Yeah? Did she find anything good?

D: She spent a hundred dollars! ONE HUNDRED DOLLARS on a purse. And it is not Coach* it is some PRADA bullshit.

A: Dad. A hundred dollars is really really cheap for a PRADA.

D: So? It is just some piece of shit. Why does she need some Prada bag? She just turned up her nose at the one I picked out for her at Target.

A: I am sure it is a really great bag. Something she will carry all the time and love and . . . Dad. All the women her age are carrying them. It is THE handbag.

D: OH!?!?!? Well then I wonder why she didn't buy two colors.

*My dad loves Coach bags. Possibly because the one my mother carries is from before I was born. Also because my dad used to be a yuppy. As in he also loves Lands End, Brooks Brothers and used to drive a Volvo station wagon.

I don't know that my mother knows a single soul that carries a Prada bag. I don't know that the one she picked out is cute because I haven't even seen it yet. But she better back my story up and swear that every well dressed woman is carrying one of those fuckers because that was the only way he was going to stop carrying on about that thing.

I wonder if my dad would buy me a Juicy Couture sweatsuit if I showed him my In Style magazine that shows every single celebrity in the world wearing one. I would really like a green one.