Tantrum Warehouse
Tact Free Since 2003

Don't Call Me A Nice Girl You Prick

I am not a nice person.

When I say this people get upset, as if I am horrified by this

realization. I am not. I know I am not a nice person. This is intentional.

I know nice people, I think they are . . well . .nice. And that is a

perfectly lovely thing to be. Except that nice people are either 1)

fakes or 2) door mats or 3) both.

There are exceptions of course. But this society's idea of nice seems

centered around niceness means you have to please other people. And

since we are inherently greedy and self-involved this often means being

taken advantage. You are also not allowed to tell people the truth.

You can never say "yes, I think you really do look fat in that" you have

to say "but the color brings out your eyes."

Well I call bullshit. I want people to tell me the truth. I may not

like the truth. But the truth is helpful. It can change the choices

you make. Being told that you are smart and wonderful and perfect when

you are, in fact, not is the opposite of nice. It is cruel. Because it

pushes you into unrealistic decisions.

Niceness can make you passive. I work with a woman who wanted a

tattoo. She described a vague idea to the artist and he came up with a

design. That she HATED. But her boyfriend had to physically stop her from

getting that design because she didn't want to her the artists'


That is ridiculous. And yes, it is an exaggerated case but seriously,

why do we have to be so nice? This isn't a call for everyone to become

a jerk. Or to release themselves from politeness. I believe in

courtesy. It is important to treat people with respect. But I can ask for

what I want, take care of my own business and keep my own values while

still being respectful of others. I just may not appear nice to you.

I find this especially true in my neighborhood. To be a "nice

neighbor" you need to go to countless candle parties and buy girl scout cookies

and wave to every single person on the street when you pull in. I will

watch your house. Let your dog out. Get your mail. Loan you any tool

or spice that you could possibly need. But please, don't glare at me

because I skipped the latest Tupperware bash. I don't like Tupperware.

I am not a nice girl.

This is also true at work. Some one can be incompetent. She can make

personal calls all day and make gross errors in her work. She can cry

during meetings and come in late and be just generally unprofessional.

But "she is so nice."

So lets cut the 1950's double standard. If I want to aggressive and

ambitious and opinionated please don't treat it as an insult. You can

call me a bitch if you want. Just don't call me nice.

8:30 p.m. :: comment ::
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