Tantrum Warehouse
Tact Free Since 2003

Everybody Poops

I just want to take issue with something that has bugged me basically since I started working in an office. But honestly, it has perplexed me since I first found out about it.

I am talking about people who won't crap at work. Or in public.

I once knew a girl in college who would not crap in our suite bathroom. She would walk across campus to the only one stall bathroom in the school in order to take a crap.

What IS that?

We were at that school for a year ya'll. A year of not pooping without a plan.

Everybody poops.

I know we ladies like to pretend that we don't. We like to pretend that we do not actually eat and what nutrients we do get are excreted out through our pores in the form of shimmery powder. Our bathrooms do not have toilets but nothing but stuffed couches in floral fabric and Cosmo magazine. And mirrors so we can admire our shimmery powdered selves.

Honestly, if you can fool a man with that than you go right ahead. But why on earth do we try to kid each other?

Maybe it is because I have a gastrointesinal disorder that I cannot understand this. But more than one woman has told me that she does not poop in public. And definately not at work.

Do ya'll hold it all day?

One gal at work told me that she always goes down a floor to poop. Because they don't know her down there.

I told her of course they know her. They know her as the girl who comes downstairs to poop.

And why should they care? Honestly, we all do it. If we don't we become very bloated and uncomfortable and then we die. And what kind of stupid thing is that to have in your obituary?

Susie Mae Jenkins died today because she wouldn't take a crap until her husband left the house. Unfortunately, the gentleman had pneumonia and could not be moved. Service is at 9:30 tomorrow.

That is just ridiculous.

So I suggest that we all cut the bull and have ourselves a holiday.

National Poop At Work Week

Everyone and I do mean EVERYONE should be pooping at least once while at work next week.

We will all be happier and more efficient workers. I promise ya.

7:32 a.m. :: comment ::
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