Tantrum Warehouse
Tact Free Since 2003

The Birds

I am living in an Alfred Hitchcock movie.

When I got home from work last night my neighbor came running over.

She and her son had been playing in her backyard yesterday (which backs into ours-she has a direct view of our yard, deck and living room) and her son kept pointing at our deck and yelling "chirp CHIRP!!"

Well there were about a million birds dive bombing our deck, they were pecking at our vent. They were having birdie shit fits.

See on Wednesday night J had had enough with the birds. They get into our vents and make these creepy noises that make you (or maybe just me) think that there are rats or ghosts or possibly one night PIRATES (I swear I heard ARRRRR) living in your walls. They are really loud coming in and out of the vents too.

So J went and stole a vent cover off of another house (they haven't lived there for over a year, no one will miss it) and put it up that night. Problem solved.

Except there were two birds and a nest trapped inside.

In his defense you couldn't see them, they are tucked way the hell back into the house. But when I got home the daddy birds were freaking out trying to feed the mama birds. The mama birds had little tin cups in their beaks that they were scraping along the bars.

I was pretty sure that we were going to have the bird version of the Secret of NIHM happening on our deck. These birds were going to try to poison our dogs and move into the bushes or something.

Even after we took the cover off they won't come off. They have a nest back there and they won't abandon it. Either that or they have noticed that the grate is gone.

Either way. Fucking birds. Living in my walls.

I love being a homeowner.

9:54 a.m. :: comment ::
prev :: next