Tantrum Warehouse
Tact Free Since 2003

Fireworks, Vice-Presidents and White Pants

Ya'll I was MADE for four day weekends. I do them right. I slept in. I ate junkfood and drank alcoholic beverages. I laid in the sun. I watched baseball. I got grossed out by all the fat and semi-naked people in my neighbor's backyard.


Neither J or I are big fireworks people. Thank god he isn't. Because I actually sort of hate them. This is, of course, because I am a democrat and hate America (I think I watched too much CNN this weekend). I like professional displays, but am too impatient and crotchety to drive to see one, park, walk a million miles, sit on a blanket covered in bugs, see the show, walk another million miles to sit in traffic to get home.

What I really hate are the fuckers who set them off at home. I am not talking about sparklers. I am talking about the fucking idiots who were setting off Roman Candles into the dry brush by my house. Which is over a GAS LINE.

I live in a rural area. So even though fireworks are illegal neither the police nor the sheriffs are coming out to enforce that. So people have to act right. Notice how people cannot do that?

It didn't even bother me so much on the fourth. That I understood. It bothered me on the third. When little kids were aiming them at MY CAR. And it bothered me last night (which was the FIFTH RIGHT? NOT THE FUCKING FOURTH!?!?!?!) when they were still setting them off and I was trying to go to sleep because some of us WORK for a living.

And it bothered me the entire time that both of my dogs were freaking out and licking the hair off their legs and just losing their shit over the noise.

I love America I just think I hate Americans.


I was getting ready this morning and my husband woke up and screamed, "SHIT. DID I DREAM IT??? NOOOOOOOOOOO!"

I think I have mentioned that J loves him some politics. He was obsessed all weekend about who Kerry was going to pick as VP. Now I felt all along that the choice was obvious and Mr. Kerry was going to pick Edwards and go all balls out for the Presidancy. My husband was not sure.

And entirely too worried about this.

He woke up three times to check his email (Kerry's campaign was going to email supporters before the announcement was made). And apparently dreamed that it had all happened.

He woke up and was all distraught. FREAKING OUT. Seriously. I turned on the TV for him so he could check CNN and there it was.

Kerry selects Edwards.

Now he claims he had a premonition.

I think I need to get him some Xanax before the election.


My period is three weeks late (no I am not pregnant everyone chill). I am wearing white pants.

I am living on the EDGE.

7:41 a.m. :: comment ::
prev :: next