Tantrum Warehouse
Tact Free Since 2003

Eat a Carb


My hatred of diets is well documented here. My annoyance with people and their weird food obsessions has reached a crisis point in the past few weeks.

This is for a number of reasons.

My mother is dieting. My mother is always dieting. She has been dieting since I was born and will probably diet until the end of fucking time. Now, unlike most people my mother is a good dieter. She has lost a ton of weight on Weight Watches this time and is keeping it off.

My only problem with the whole thing is how moralizing this shit is. Food is either good or bad. And you are a good or bad person for eating it.

That is the actual language here people. It is vaguely pornographic. It involves my mother saying, "I was a bad little girl today," and invokes images of things about my parents that no child should ever have to imagine.

But worse is that she really feels guilty for drinking a fucking rootbeer. What IS that? Or she feels guilty for being hungry. She actually says the words, "I have no right to be hungry." The fuck? Seriously. Food is not evil. Can we talk about that now? About how people need food to survive and it doesn't make you a bad person to eat it.

Work is even worse. These women are impossibly thin. Eat almost nothing. Work out so much. It is asinine. And when we have little treats people try to feed each other in order to not eat the food. WHAT IS THAT?

If you don't want it, don't eat it. Don't stand over it obsessively and foam at the mouth over it. Don't try to feed it to other people, telling them that they are so thin anyway. Just walk away and I don't know, WORK.

Also, if there is a pregnant woman in your department? Don't judge her for what she is eating. Maybe she is eating less than normal because she doesn't feel well. Maybe she is eating like a fucking cow. Maybe, she can only eat CARBS right now people the baby fucking likes carbs and that is the only thing she will allow into her mother's mouth. Its really none of your business. Unless she is chugging arsenic, shut it. And even then? SHUT IT.

I am so tired of this world where people freak out over food. Do we know that people still starve? That there are worse things than being heavy? That being fat doesn't make you a criminal?

The truth is that America is not as fat as we think we are. That the BMI is ridiculous and even the doctors promoting it are too heavy according to those standards. Let me tell you, Brad Pitt has too high of a Body Mass Index and would be considered obese. My own doctor said that the standards are bullshit and feed the diet industry.


So every restraunt that has low-carb options or people who talk about how they can only eat watermelon, I would just like all of you to fuck off collectively.

Eat when you are hungry. Try not to eat crap all of the time. Drink responsibly. Work out.

And if you are not a size six, then buy the size that you are and get over yourself.

I can't believe that I am still talking about this.


In my constant project to read the books that I should have read in junior high and high school, I have now crossed off the following titles:


Little Women (and Little Men and Jo's Boys which don't seem as compulsory)


I am finishing up Pride and Prejudice this week.

How sad am I?

6:58 a.m. :: comment ::
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