Late and Purplely

I woke up this morning and promptly threw up. Had to get go back to sleep for a couple of hours before I could face the day. So was tragically three hours late for work.

Except I don't really care.

Before everyone gets all SQUEA and ooh your pregnant. I am totally not pregnant. My period is eighteen days late. Which isn't (sadly) even all that much for me but I am totally not pregnant. Just have a fussy stomach and ovaries that have attachment anxiety. That is all.

Nothing to see here. Move it along.

***

The girls are doing very well. Once in a while they come out of the closet and let me pet them (the cats! don't be dirty people!).

They are not used to us yet. They are really not used to me yelling at the TV and throwing things. Possibly this is a good time for me to Learn To Be An Adult and not throw things or yell. It is a good time but I will totally not do that At All.

***

I turned my hair purple last night. Don't worry I fixed it. Though my ends are VERY dry now so when I get it cut tomorrow I am lying to my hairdresser and telling him I just flat iron too much (which I do but they are not dry from that).

I am a very experienced home hair color expert. I have made many mistakes but have had many more wild successes. Some tips:

1. Use Loreal or Revlon. DO NOT use Clairol. The shades are wildly unpredictably and the stuff is totally crap.

2. Be prepared for it to be really nice or really awful. Have lies on hand for each (i.e. it looks good, "oh no this is NATURAL" or it looks terrible, "I didn't do this to myself, a TERRORIST did it")

3. Do not let your husband help you. Even if he is gay.

4. Do not try to become a redhead unless you are already a redhead. This is the advanced course.

5. Do be prepared to love something that you didn't actually want. This happens a lot.

6. Do not try to make yourself look like Britney Spears. You can do better. Really. Her hair looks like shit.

7. Color your roots.

8. Change shades every time. Home colors rarely turn out exactly the same twice. I don't know why that is, possibly for the same reason that no two pairs of jeans fit the same.

9. Shampoo after you color. Even if it says, "there is no need to shampoo." It will smell and look better.

10. Always use conditioner.

11. Don't try to pretend that it is your real color to your stylist. He will mock you.

At any rate. I look cute now. Though for a minute last night I looked like I was the lost member of Duran Duran. Except totally not as pretty.