Tantrum Warehouse
Tact Free Since 2003

The Finest Things

The two greatest feelings in the world come from having sex and taking a shit.

I think that is something we can all agree with anyway.

From ages 18 to about 25 you are obsessed with sex. Its all you think about. And you do not think that much about taking a shit. Though you should.

Because after age 25 you will become absolutely consumed with shitting.

I have had multiple orgasm days and multiple shit days and I have to say it is a closer call than I honestly feel comfortable making.

And did you ever really appreciate taking a crap when you were a kid? I mean I would go for days without one and thought nothing of it. Actually, I used to be relieved. Because that meant I didn't have to poop at school. Now when I go more than a day or two it is the end of the goddamn world.

I didn't appreciate anything as a child. I mean I could eat anything, had stick straight shiny hair, had skinny thighs, didn't have to pay a mortgage.

I really didn't appreciate my skinny legs long enough. Those days are long over. I wish I had pictures.

Back then a good day was defined by how long I got to play, what was on TV and whether my mom made me eat anything that didn't have peanut butter or processed cheese on it.

Now a great day revolves around sex and a shit. At least I appreciate the finer things in life now.

9:04 p.m. :: comment ::
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