Tantrum Warehouse
Tact Free Since 2003

If I Should Die

I love forensic TV shows. I watch CSI but I really love the real ones like Cold Case Files and American Justice on A&E. I watch entirely too much of this stuff.

And now I think about what would happen if I died. What would the police and the techs find. How would they pin it on my husband? Because they always try to pin it on my husband.

And I have to tell you that he would be going DOWN if I was murdered. Because I have cut myself with every knife in this house. I have dripped blood on the bathroom floor and the kitchen floor. I know there is blood on our sheets and a really old stain on the duvet (from before I met him even) and there possibly is some on the carpet.

So ya'll somebody stand up for my husband. Because I guess I am just a bleeder. And a shitty housekeeper.

But its the weird stuff that I wonder what they would make of.

Like the feather I just found in my underwear. Or the blood inside of my bra (sadly I know where this is from, I was popping a zit while my bra was on the counter--unfortunate blood spatter). How about the dog and cat hair that covers everything we own? I have found that in my mouth. Would they think that the animals killed me?

I guess I just can't get murdered. I don't want the CSI techs to wonder why my vibrator is blue and shaped like a totem pole.

I wonder that too much myself.

10:36 a.m. :: comment ::
prev :: next