Tantrum Warehouse
Tact Free Since 2003

Better. I Think

First of all, I am having a great week. Even though I was crazy sick on Monday. Because my Red Sox are 27 outs away from winning a World Series. And we are less than a week away from John Kerry being elected President. If either of these things fails to happen I will probably fling myself in front of a truck. Just so you know.

I feel much much better. And have now had time to reflect on the following:

Things That Really Really Suck About Having a Bladder/Kidney Infection:

1. Driving to work in traffic and having to turn around and drive home less than five hours later.

2. Peeing acid.

3. Searching for an empty conference room to call your doctor about that burning sensation.

4. Pissing all over your hand when giving a urine sample.

5. Whining constantly about having to pee.

6. Talking to your doctor about how you really haven't had unsafe anal sex and how you would never use sex toys in your ass.

7. Realizing that you should have just nodded that you understood.

8. Throwing up in the doctor's office.

9. Taking pills that turn your piss nuclear waste orange.

10. Figuring out that that piss is staining your toilet.

11. Trying to figure out who you could call to ask how to get that stain out.

12. Obsess slightly over staining the toilets at work, wonder if they have security cameras that could trace this all back to you.

13. Think that your paranoia is way out of control, decide to consult doctor about new meds.

Things that Sort of Rule About Having a Bladder/Kidney Infection:

1. Spending a Monday in bed with a down comforter and watching Cold Case Files and True Hollywood story.

2. Realizing that when you peed on your hand giving the urine sample that it didn't burn a hole in the skin.

3. Placing an overly specific lunch order with husband that required an apple to be cut in tiny pieces, served with peanut butter and a water AND a Coke. With a glass. No, not THAT GLASS. And he was still sympathetic.

4. Using your dachshund as a personal heater for your poor cold feet.

5. Noticing that the pills that turn your pee orange have dyed your pubic hair into an orange mohawk. You are so PUNK ROCK.

6. When the pills start working and you feel like you might live.

7. Watching the cat and dog chase each other around the house until the both pass out.

8. Watching daytime television while peeing. Pain free PEE.

9. Forcing your husband to tuck you in, even though you are not five and you should not need this.

10. Realize that you should enjoy it while it lasts, he will stop feeling sorry for you tomorrow.

So I really am better. Still exhausted. But much better. And I will be better still when the Red Sox win a World Series and John Kerry is the President.

Lets hope it takes less than a week.

9:05 a.m. :: comment ::
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