Tantrum Warehouse
Tact Free Since 2003


My hair is doing this really weird thing where it wants to part itself down the middle. Ya'll I have a little messy short haircut. It shouldn't even have a part.

When I was a teenager I had long one-length hair. As thick as my hair is it was a basically a pyramid. And I parted it in the center. And since it was the late nineties, I wore it straight at the top with those fat curls at the bottom.

Why I thought this was nice looking I have no idea.

Why a hairdresser did not sit me down and say, "AB, this is just not fucking flattering. You head looks like a big block of cheese. We are cutting some of this shit off."

A public service. Honestly.

And now, many years later, my hair wants to part down the center again.

I will rip it out by the roots first.
I was reading somebody's blog (and I forget who so I cannot link I am so sorry) and they were asking their readers what their weird quirks were--especially ones that their closest friends might not know.

And so I thought about mine. Of which there are many.

1. I have one cold hand and one warm hand. The right one is always the cold one.

2. I think most beverages (especially coke) taste better in cups. But I have favorites. The fancier the better. Coke is especially good in crystal barware.

3. I hated both pizza and whipped cream until I was a teenager. I still cannot eat cold mozzerrella cheese on pizza.

4. I used to have my tongue pierced. And I have a tattoo. My grandmother's would both swear that I did not and do not.

5. My body hair has a brown root and white ends.

6. The body hair thing is really gross. I am sorry.

7. I won't wash my hair if I don't have conditioner. I would look like a big puffball.

8. I don't ever think about germs. Raw meat, unwashed fruit, sneezed on doorknobs. None of that freaks me out. The women at my work open the bathroom door with a paper towel on their hand. THAT freaks me out.

9. I cannot sleep with socks on if I am bed.

10. I have to have some covers on (even if it is just a sheet) to sleep.

11. Sometimes I pee in the shower.

12. I am the only one that uses it so I do not feel bad.

13. When my best friend was here in August I woke up in the middle of the night and disinfected the shower floor because I didn't want her to have to stand on something that I had peed on once, even if it has sort of been washed away.

14. To me, that is a real friend.

15. I think I would be a much better looking man than a woman.

16. That said, I still have a great ass in jeans.

17. I don't really like foods with sauces.

18. I have containers of lip balm all over my house and at work. Apparently, I am only worried about a sudden onslaught of dry lips.

19. I didn't eat Mexican food other than fajitas until I was eighteen years old.

20. I love it now. Except refried beans.

21. The texture freaks me out.

22. I still like to read children's books. I will go to the library and read them for hours.

23. I can turn my tongue upside down by twisting it on the side. I can do this both ways back and forth.

24. I used to use this as a party trick to meet men.

25. It worked amazingly well. A nimble tongue seems to make up for less than huge boobs.

26. I hate the taste of beer. I can't really handle the smell. If my husband drinks beer he has to wash up a bit before he can kiss me.

27. I feel like a bitch when I make him do this. But otherwise I think I might puke.

28. Other forms of alcohol don't bother me. He should learn to drink like an adult.

29. I won't buy magazines or books that have obviously been thumbed through.

30. I have a bell collection because my grandmother's decided that every little girl should collect something. I hate my bell collection.

31. I would have preferred to collect baseball cards. But even then I knew that this was not an acceptable substitute.

32. I made my parents call me Nibbler when I was a small child. I was a bunny. No one put me into therapy.

33. I wrote a note to my best friend in junior high describing my perfect man as pale with dark hair and hairy toes and skinny knees. This is exactly my husband.

34. I don't brush my hair. EVER. But I own two hairbrushes.

35. I sometimes pick obsessively at my bellybutton, which is freakishly deep. Until it is red and raw.

Somehow this turned into top thirty five stupid things about me.

What are your stupid quirks? Answer on the guestbook.

4:40 p.m. :: comment ::
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