Tantrum Warehouse
Tact Free Since 2003

Kit-Kats and Natural Disasters

Ya'll. Thanks for putting up with my whiney, bitchy, over-dramatic self. A mixture of hormones and lack of new sweaters sent me into a tailspin yesterday. Everything is lovely. Really. J is a great husband and not an unfeeling bastard. Though I would like to give a shout-out to everyone who emailed me to say that he is. Way to have my back, even when I am clearly an asshole.

As your reward for putting up with me, I will tell you a really humiliating story about me that I am told is funny.

A couple of weeks ago we were headed for a friend's house to play poker. And, being the Kit-Kat junky that I am, I grabbed the last mini Kit-Kat for the road. I snarfed it down like a little pig, not realizing that it had crumbled a bit into my lap.

Fifteen minutes later I noticed something very sticky on my leg.

I turned on the light and found out that I looked like I had shit myself on the outside of my pants.

The Kit-Kat had crumbled and then melted all over the insides of my thighs and into the crotch of my jeans.

So pretty!

SO I spent the rest of the trip scraping off the chocolate (and eating it! because I had no choice! and also! no shame!)and trying to make myself look normal.

I vowed never to eat a Kit-Kat again, which lasted approximately three days. Go me!
Very very irritated with the US media right now. There is a giant disaster in the world, killing more than ten times the number of people killed on 9/11 and the big story is that a former Sports Illustrated cover girl was injured?!

The hell?!

I am sure her mother cares but does anyone else? I mean, the Sports Illustrated readers of the world will find another girl to jack off to, I have complete faith in that. So could we cover the now forty thousand dead, more than a third of which were children?

Maybe this is why the rest of the world sees us as assholes. We were outraged when they didn't shut down the world on 9/11. But a natural disaster takes out an entire region and we are concerned because a model got a scratch on her million dollars thigh.

Goddamn. We are assholes!

None of us get Kit-Kats today! I mean it!

7:39 a.m. :: comment ::
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