Tantrum Warehouse
Tact Free Since 2003

Birds and Elephants

I went outside to get lunch. Its all sunny and nice and I didn't need my coat. Very spring even though it is only January.

And this bird shits.

I see it in slow motion. Its falling through the air. I can't move out of the way because of course I am in slow motion too.

It misses my (cashmere) sweater by about 1/32 of an inch. Saving everyone in a three mile radius from having their eardrums pierced by my loud scream.

I have never (knocking on so much wood you wouldn't believe it) been shit on by a bird. I have had many close calls. But, so far, have escaped that total day ruiner.

Sadly, my sister was like a bird shit magnet in her day.

The poor girl could not go anywhere for a day and not get crapped on. She could go to Target--a place near her home so she could go change--without a bird shitting on her. She could go to the mall. She could go anywhere that wasn't within ten miles of our house and be totally fine. But take her out to the zoo for the afternoon and it was like D-Day out there.

The worst was at Disney World. We are at Epcot, enjoying a lovely day, when a bird shits in her hair, down her shoulder and all over her clothes.

That is just not right.

She had to wash her hair in a drinking foutain and buy a t-shirt at a gift shop. Because even my dad would not make some one walk around with bird shit on them. Well not if my mom wouldn't let him.

I have dodged the bullet again. I think that I have traded many good things happening to me in exchange for this. On days like today it feels like an excellent trade.

On the day that some one breaks into my car it feels like getting shit on by an elephant.

1:07 p.m. :: comment ::
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