Tantrum Warehouse
Tact Free Since 2003

V Day

A couple of weeks ago Monica and I had to go to the store to return some jeans for her brother (this is what happens when you work for a major retailer--you do everyone's errands for them).

We were deep in conversation about something that is very serious and controversial. Vacuum cleaners.

We were talking obsessively about the Dyson vacuum and how it was supposed to be the best and don't you hate that your vacuum can't get all of the dog hair up? Sadly, Consumer Reports let us know later that the Dyson really is nothing special and our hopes for vacuum utopia have been dashed again.

The sales girl that was helping her was just staring at us. I know why, of course. She is this cute little eighteen year old thing and she just cannot believe that anyone cares about this shit. Honestly, I can't believe we do either. I really can't believe that I do since my house usually looks like shit.

But we do. We talk about it all the time. This and how to get hard water stains out of your dishwasher and did Oxy Clean eat holes in your laundry too?

I just wanted to turn to this sales girl and be all, "this is you in a few years BITCH."

She wouldn't believe me of course. She probably thought we were a pair of dried up old housewife hags. Which of course WE ARE. I wish there was some way to tell her that I "used to be you honey." I used to have no cares other than my cute clothes and hair. I used to have rich boyfriends. And I used to own a vacuum that I inherited from my mother.

Things change.

All of the sudden I realize that I am totally the kind of person that knows that hard water stains come out of your dishwasher if you run some Tang through it once a month.

J and I are not really Valentine's Day people.

When I tell women this, any women, they tsk tsk at me like I am denial. I really do not care so much. If he remembers and says Happy Valentine's Day we are pretty good. A card is great. A gift is nice. None of it is really necessary. Our anniversary is in ten days. That is much more important to me.

I will say I had one really great Valentine's Day though. A few years ago, when I was in college, I was bitching to my friend about how I hate Valentine's Day. It really is a competitive holiday, especially at a women's college, and you just can't win. I had just broken up with my boyfriend (again, because he was an ass, and we would have this on-again, off-again ugly thing for a couple of years) and was just mopey. I ended up getting flowers (actually several bouquets from a couple of boys because I was cute and apparently they thought they could get some) but what I really remember was what my friend did. When I woke up that morning she had decorated my door with these Valentines telling me all the ways I was a good friend to her. This sounds way cheesier and more second grade than it was. The Valentines said things like, "I love you because you make the best vodka martini ever" and "You really dance on coffee tables beautifully."

Not a shock that I ended up spending Valentine's Day getting drunk with her instead of screwing one of the guys who sent me flowers.

Apparently it really is the thought that counts.

8:14 a.m. :: comment ::
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