Tantrum Warehouse
Tact Free Since 2003

Not Missing a Pill

Yesterday was just so surreal. I didn't really believe any of it until late yesterday afternoon. I kept waiting for some one to call me. To tell me it was a mistake. That she did have a heart attack, but she was in the hospital. She would be fine.

Instead I found out that she died before her husband could finish the 911 call. That she died in front of her two year old daughter. That she didn't suffer but that everyone else did.

I cannot wrap my arms around what has happened. They were certainly not prepared. She had no will. No life insurance. All of her work benefits have to go through probate.

And I miss her. That sounds stupid. I usually try to keep work people separate from the rest of my life but she really was my friend. I knew all about her child, her marriage, the things that she wanted to do. I miss her already and there is nothing I can do about it.

I am worried about Monica. They were good friends. And I know that no one close to her has died before. She sounds numb. Which is the first stage of course. But I still worry.

I guess this is the difference. The last time I had a friend die I was seventeen years old. We were all wrapped up in how it affected us. I thought about his parents but it didn't keep me up at night.

Yesterday all I could do is worry about the people I work with. How they were coping. I was glad I wasn't there but I almost wished I had been because I could see everyone, see if they were coping alright. I stayed up part of the night thinking about her husband. Thinking about her daughter. That little girl must be so scared. She is too young to understand what happened. It is good to know that she won't remember it later on. But it hurts too. Because then she won't remember anything good either.

I am just a little bit broken today. I feel like I am locked into a nightmare. I guess I will just need some time to wake up.

I am being very careful to take my anti-depressants on schedule today. Now is not the time to miss a pill.

8:15 a.m. :: comment ::
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