Tantrum Warehouse
Tact Free Since 2003

New Toy

Y'all GUESS where I am????

In my bed. Blogging. On my new, very shiny lap top. That my lovely lovely husband bought for me. Its like JEWELRY. Except I can play poker on it. IN BED.

Can you just imagine me? I don't think I have ever grinned this much in bed when it was post-something that would make my sister blush and try to push that image out of her head.

I know that J bought this for me because he was worried that I was so sad since Gladys died. I know he was trying to cheer me up. Also, he doesn't want me to use his computer anymore so that he can have his computer to himself.

I choose to believe the non-selfish motives. That is what he wants me to believe anyway.

I am typing this while Kathy Griffith is making fun of Hilary Swank. DOES IT GET BETTER NO IT DOESN'T INTERNET!

One of the worst things about having your husband be the family IT guy is that he knows too much about your dad.

I mean I knew my dad read the Drudge Report. I didn't like. But I knew it. I just pretended that it wasn't true. I pretended that he was just pretending to be a militant Republican so that he could help liberals take over the NRA and secure heavily discounted child care for working families.

I know its a lie but I need to feel better about my genetics. My dad does the same thing. He pretends that I really am not a liberal. He secretly prays that I will start wearing pearls and join a country club.

Its better for everyone really.

But J fixes my dad's computer and cleans out his spyware and then comes back to me with these alarming tidbits.

I am not a prude y'all. I know my dad had a subscription to Playboy every moment of my life. I found the drawer that my mother keeps her fucking sex toys for crying outloud. But I could have lived forever before finding out that my dad routinely uses the search phrase "mature naked hooters."

That is when you start wondering about the existence of God. And if there is, why does he hate me so much.

And why do I feel half relieved that at least he is looking at age appropriate breasts.

9:27 p.m. :: comment ::
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