Genetically Flawed

I have been very smug towards my family for the last couple of months. My parents want to move north closer to us but my mom is afraid that no one will hire her. My dad is afraid of change. My sister doesn't like her job, doesn't want to be in her field but just can't make herself do something new.

I just shook my head at them. How could they have so little confidence? Change is good! It makes you a better person! Everyone should totally change their life periodically!

Last week I was just shaking in fear about this job. Shaking that I wouldn't get it. Shaking that I would. Afraid to want the job because that would mean that I would not get it.

It seems that I got more from my mother than fat knees and the ability to kill plants by looking at them.

I have a little breakdown last week. Just freaking out and worrying and I am still freaking out and worrying. I alternate between having absolute confidence in myself and believing that any moment I will exposed as a fraud.

I belive honestly that I have a genetic flaw.

Which means mocking my family has become hypocritical instead of distasteful. DAMN IT that ruins my favorite sport.

So keep your fingers crossed for me . . .or don't. Turns out I will be upset either way.

Perhaps I need a PayPal button to fund the therapy I obviously need.