How Did THIS Happen?

When did I get old?

Because I AM. I am not sure how that happened. I keep thinking that I am thirteen years old. Then I realize that I am twenty five and married and shit. It is creepy.

I am especially feeling it right now. For two reasons:

At work I am up for, what we are calling at my house "the big girl job." It is a big girl job because it is a job that might actually matter to me. I take my work personally, to a ridiculous degree. And I am charge of TWENTY FIVE MILLION DOLLARS, something that never fails to freak me out if I think about it for too long. But I don't actually CARE about it. I mean I do. But its not what I want to do. But this new job might be something to care about. It might not. You never can tell. But it has the potential. Its also a big girl job because it is not hourly. Now I have not been hourly before, but this was a subtle way to screw me out of money. I think this wouldn't be screwage. That I would make more and get better benefits and shit. LIKE A GROWN UP. Can people not see my thirteeness? I fucking hide it to well I think.

The other reason is a letter I got from my sister. I have ranted on here about her. I made fun of her religion and ranted about shit she has done to me. This is incredibly immature and yet SO satisfying. Because I never thought anyone would read it. I mean I know people read this, I do check my stats. And people email me (which I love--except you Anti-Semites, FUCK YOU Anti-Semites). But I don't really think about this site ever hurting some one's feelings.

And now I do. Because I think I did. I never meant to. My sister is crazy (I can say that, no one else can not even my husband) but I love her. And I feel connected to her some how. I always knew we would eventually be ok.

I never wanted some crap that I usually write before I am ever awake get in the way of that.

The fact that I am worrying about hurting my sister's feelings instead of calling her Miss Stupidhead is a sign that I am indeed VERY old.

Better go take that arthritis medication now. And call some kids whippersnappers.

FUCK.