Leave Your Brats at Home Asshole
See if you had been reading here before you would have seen that I think my husband is great and we are healthy blah blah blah. Instead you saw a cry for help.
Sorry about that.
Was pretty much over that ten minutes later.
***
Have our office Christmas party tonight. You can tell who in my office is aware that I am Jewish because they look carefully at me and really enunciate the word H-O-L-I-D-A-Y.
Which is really really sweet. Though I do not get offended when people say the word Christmas in front of me you guys. My parents celebrate Christmas. In fact, we will celebrate it with them (in a very non-Jesus loving way). We have gotten Christmas cards. I can't imagine people getting pissed about that. I just think its great when some one goes to the trouble of getting us a Hanukkah card. Double points if it arrives before or during the holiday.
Anyway, our office parties are sort of meh. The food is always great. And I like most of the people I work with a lot. The problem is kids.
See I really like kids. I think they are great. I just don't think they belong at office parties where there are no activities whatsoever for them. And so they act like wild beasts. This is not their fault at all, its totally the fault of their parents who not only bring them to inappropriate places but don't even bring toys or anything for them.
See babies are fine. Everyone holds the baby. Everyone fusses over the baby. Then we put the baby on a couch, watched carefully by a sober adult, and they take a nap. Babies are fabulous at these parties. And we are all PISSED that Monica is not bringing her baby (or coming to the party at all damn her).
But my bosses both bring their entire herds of children. And then set them loose.
I don't really get this. Especially since they can totally afford babysitters and have enough notice to get one.
So the kids run around without anything to do. They eat things that make them sick. They pout because no one gives them presents. They try to drink beer. It just is not a party that they are going to have a good time at so why drag them there?
I mean, it is a little like taking J. But he at least can drink beer legally. And he didn't grab anyone's nipple, which our bosses son (age five) did last year.
See? I still love him! I recognize his good behavior in not grabbing the nipples of strangers! We are the marriage of the year!
***
J and I both have sore throats and coughs of death. I am pissed because I know exactly how we got such a thing. A girl at my office came to work every day even though she knew she had bronchitis. And she coughed all over my desk multiple times this week.
Sweetie, I recognize that you are trying to save your time off. For YOUR WEDDING WHICH YOU TALK ABOUT ALL THE TIME BUT IS NOT UNTIL FUCKING OCTOBER FOR CRYING OUTLOUD. But we do have a lot of people in our office with small children. Plus one who's live-in boyfriend is in dialysis. These people can not afford to take that kind of illness home. Plus there is me! Who really should live in a fucking plastic bubble!
So I did have this lovely hybrid of sore throat, vomiting and coughing last night.
I am going to need much much wine tonight to stop myself from kicking her ass at the party tonight.
I could totally do it too. And her boyfriend too. He is an accountant. And if it got icky, J would step in. And to the shock of no one he cheats.
Which is why I love him.
