Snowy Assholes

I hate fucking Seattle sometimes. Those times include the winter, when everyone, even fucking adults who should know better gets all excited for snow.

I hate snow. That is why I live HERE. I have lived where it snows. If ya'll like it so much move there and leave this part of the country to people like me. Who are not complete dumbasses.

Because this is what happens every time it snows here. People are excited. For. Days. They cannot wait for the snow!

And then it actually does snow. HALF AN INCH. And there is panic. And people forget how to drive, let alone how to drive in slightly wet conditions. The whole city shuts down. You can't get anywhere. There is a run on canned foods.

And then it melts. Lather rinse repeat.

So I am rude and impatient with the fucking people at my work when they get excited for snow. I didn't call any of them morons. Outloud. I don't think.

But close enough that I may be fired for it.

Anyway. Didn't take too long to get here this morning. Because J and I are sensible. We got up early. Didn't take the Highway that was closed. And got out of dodge before the crazies were even awake. No clue how we will get home tonight. Not because it is so slippery but because about ten thousand people will crash their cars because of one patch of ice in the whole region.

Assholes.
***
Did not manage to hide my disdain for the woman next to me who said she would have been snowboarding down my hill had she lived in my neighborhood this weekend. Because we got four inches.

You know what? Go ahead and snowboard down that hill. I always like to see stupid people ruin expensive skiing equipment and make asses of themselves.

Fucking asshole.
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I had to wear sensible "I could walk in snow if I had to" shoes to work today. Just in case it does actually get snowy here. It won't but it could. This is how I am different than the idiot next to me. I am prepared. For something that totally won't happen.

However, these shoes are not nearly as cute as the ones I would normally wear with these jeans (hey I am wearing jeans if people around here think this is "extreme" weather). And I look stumpy. My other ones are totally cuter.

Fucking snow.
***
I will have to write about the funeral last week. And the trip down there. Apparently my mother and I are both classless assholes because we totally treated the night as a getaway. Complete with shopping and staying up talking all night. A slumber party! Only with a dead relative.

Also. There are transgendered people in my family. I did not know that.

Also they are all short. Maybe I haven't seen them since I grew? That was fourteen years ago so that doesn't seem right. Did they all shrink? A lot? Because honestly, several of them could pass for pygmies. If that is what osteoperosis does to you then I am chugging milk every day until I die. DAMN.

Anyway. All of that later. Have to do some actual work.

And listen to some assholes' stupid snow stories.

Just for comparison my grandparents got like thirty inches this weekend. Downtown Seattle got half an inch. Guess which city freaked out?

Assholes.