Tantrum Warehouse
Tact Free Since 2003

You Can Put Your Shamrock Up Your . .

I just hate St. Patrick's Day. Its stupid, its dull and it makes people wear very unflattering shades of green.

First, I am not Irish. And I am not sure exactly why I am supposed to give a shit about celebrating whatever it is we are celebrating here. The revival of Shamrock milkshakes at McDonald's? Somebody let me know.

Second, I hate the bullying. No other holiday has this sort of forced participation to it. You must wear green because otherwise people will pinch you? What is that? Who was the first person to come up with that? Was he college roommates with the guy who came up with the "Slugbug" game? I wear tons of green but I really didn't want to today. I didn't want to bow down to the fascist rules of our strangely Irish patriarchy. But I really didn't feel dealing with all the stupid fucking people who would undoubtedly ask me about it nine thousand times.

Third, I hate all the faux Irishness. To hear people tell it 95% of our population is Irish. And they express this once a year by getting trashed on green beer that costs about eight dollars. Do we like to perpetuate the stereotype of the drunk Irishman? And cannot we all just have the balls to be lushes every damn day.

Besides, I am just going to get trashed on Purim like a good Jew.

12:14 p.m. :: comment ::
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