Tantrum Warehouse
Tact Free Since 2003

Engage Brain Before Mouth

Holy crap I have been crabby this week. It's not PMS related so I just must be a big giant bitch.

I know this shocks no one.

Except me.

Sort of.

Used my angry customer skills on Monica's behalf AGAIN yesterday. We ordered a party platter from Subway and they did not give us what we ordered. I mean, we ate it anyway, because we are ten women and don't try to keep us from a Subway party platter, but I still called and complained. And got us a free party platter. Go me.

I learned to express myself early in life. In fact, I have the family talent of saying whatever I am thinking. Without ever considering the consequences of that.

My dad is a pro at this. He once told my sister, who was thirteen and of course thought she was the ugliest person on the planet, that she should give the Wicked Witch back her nose. He thought she would know he was joking. UM.

My Great Uncle Bud is the family legend at this. He once made a joke about fucking his brother's girlfriend (when they were kids) just before said brother was going to propose to her. Phrases like "everyone else has had a turn" were thrown around. He was completely kidding but that didn't stop his older brother from chasing him up a tree with a hatchet.

When I was a baby my parents left me in the care of my grandmother. My crazy grandmother. This woman is a loon--she has photo albums of funerals (but her family pictures are not in albums) and has a George Clooney haircut. She is also incredibly controlling. My sister once said, "I like peanut butter and butter sandwiches." and my grandmother said, "no you don't, you like ham."

This would be odd enough if my sister was like five (maybe she really does like hame better). But shit, this was two summers ago--my sister was 26. And she definately likes peanut butter and butter better (and has the ass to prove it).

Anyone, I am a baby, left in the hands of a lunatic. Who is jabbering to me (no one was there and I don't remember it but we are all positive she was jabbering) about some stupid thing (also certain it was stupid). My grandfather comes in the back door in time to hear me tell her (my first words EVER) to "SHUT UP!!!!"

My grandpa sure liked me better after that. I think he has always wanted to tell her that.

Funny how my grandma never really liked me.

But I have had to fight the urge to say what is on my mind ever since. Like yesterday, when I was spending my day fixing the mistakes of others, who were giving me all kinds of excuses and trying to tell me what to do. I really wanted to say "SHUT UP" or actually, "Shut up you idiot. If you hadn't fucked everything up we wouldn't have to do this but since we do just shut up and let me do it you crazy cow!"

But I didn't.

I guess I have learned something in the past 24 years.

Should go call my Uncle Bud.

6:26 a.m. :: comment ::
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