Tantrum Warehouse
Tact Free Since 2003

Conversations Not to Be Had on Buses

Did everyone see my Cubbies last night?!?!

I think Buster can now bark "Go Cubs!" It may come out "Ruruff Rowl" but he means "Go Cubs!" Trust me. I speak fluent Buster.

Also, this game caused me to lose my mind at a telemarketer. She fucking called during the ninth inning (which was almost nine pm) to do a fucking survey. First of all, don't call this house. Ever. And really don't for a fucking survey. But also not that late because sometimes I do go to sleep early and if I get woken up for that I will rip you a new one so hard you will bleed for months. But really, for the LOVE OF GOD really, do not call during the ninth inning of the Cubs/Braves playoff game and not when the Cubs are winning 4-1.

Jesus H. Christ.

This is my conversation with her:

Anyabeth: Hello? (thinking that if this is my mother she better be bleeding to death)

Stupid Telemarketing Ass Stick: Hello ma'm, I am calling on behalf on the Snohomish County Center for the Highly Googleable Charity. We would like to speak to the youngest male member of your household that is over the age of sixteen. Is that possible?

Anyabeth: What? Do you know how inappropriate it is to call people at this time of night? Especially to speak to children? On a school night? Could you pass on to your supervisor that not only will no one from this household will be participating in this survey, but we will not be donating to your organization this year? Thank you and goodnight!

STAS: Uh . .Ma'm? Really, this survey is imp


Do you think that was out of proportion? But shit, you don't call people at that time of night. In the middle of the Cubs game. Christ!

Overheard the funniest conversation ever on the bus last night. This little teenaged couple was talking about something that he probably wouldn't have let her say in public if he knew I could hear. Seems our little buddy has a small penis. And the girl was feeding him the line that size doesn't matter.

Can I tell all men in the world something? Read carefully here:


We clear? If you are small, you better be damn talented in other areas. Small is fine as long as you work hard to make up for it. If you are large, you really should be putting some effort into it. No woman wants to just hump a big yard o' beef. Oh, and ramming into her really hard with your big dick does not count as "doing something."

See size matters, but it's not everything.

A public service announcement.

6:44 a.m. :: comment ::
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