Tantrum Warehouse
Tact Free Since 2003

MIL Blues

Ya'll like the new design? I wish I could take credit and pretend that I know anything about HTML. But sadly, this is patently untrue and also obvious. This design is from the folks at Not that Ugly and their link is below. Also, rest assured that I am still much too dumb to make this page so pretty on my own.


So something is bothering me about our trip. It has been bothering me all week which means it is not going to stop anytime soon.

Its my mother-in-law.

The same MIL that I feel like I have been very supportive and understanding about. I mean the woman watched while her children were abused by her boyfriend. She left her son with some one she knew would abuse him. She was addicted to drugs that I didn't even know existed. She was purposely homeless.

And I tried to understand. I was impressed with how much she had changed. By how hard she has worked to turn her life around.

J and I talked about helping her move up her. About paying her to take care of our baby should we have one.

That will not be happening.

This past weekend I was around her for an extended period of time. I will let that women be around my children for short periods of time. But not long enough to shape their attitudes about anything.

She insulted me. Repeatedly. To my face. About really stupid things. About things that I didn't know could be held against you.

She told me that J and I were spoiled. I tried not to take offense. She said that no one should have a house and new cars and new clothes. I let it go. Said something like we worked hard for those things.

She kept on me. Saying that I didn;t know what work was. "Look at your hands. They are smooth. There isn't any dirt under your nails."

Funny. I thought that was hygiene.

But this is my husband's mother. I let it go.

She kept at it. She said enough things to make me understand that she doesn't understand living in a city (which is hilarious since we do not actually live in a city). That she doesn't respect people who work in offices. That she thinks Jews are greedy. That she is intolerant of anything different than her.

That was hard for me. Hard for me to take.

I think it was hard for my husband to hear.

I know that it is really that she is afraid. Afraid that J is leaving her. That he thinks that he is better than her.

He really doesn't. He has just worked really hard not to live like she does and did. Not because he thinks it is wrong but because he wants something else.

I guess, that in particular, was hard for me to understand. I was brought up to make my choices and to think my own thoughts. And my parents, even when it is hard, accept that if I choose something other than what they did it is not me rejecting them. But me finding my own way. I think JMom doesn't understand that. She thinks that we look down on her. We don't.

I just would never live like that.

But I would never be able to put up with that kind of abuse in front of my kids. I couldn't let them watch their grandmother talk shit about their mother.

So we won't be helping her move up here.

I just don't understand it. I am a nice middle class girl, brought up with great manners and with good values. I had a great education. I work very hard at a good job that earns great money. My parents are college educated people who are still married to each other. Since I married J I have got him to go to school for a career that he enjoys and pays great money. We own a home and two cars. We have a savings account.

Anyone else would be thrilled to have me as a daughter-in-law.

And for every one of those things my MIL loathes me. I turned her son into a "city boy."

Please, he already was one when I met him. I just brushed him up to look the part.

3:02 p.m. :: comment ::
prev :: next