Tantrum Warehouse
Tact Free Since 2003

Outlaw In-law

Ya'll did Johnny Depp look yummy last night or what? Seriously, usually its all cute girls and the guys look very ho-hum at the Oscars. But I could have swallowed Johnny whole last night (ok that sounds dirty and I pretty much mean it that way).

I know, get in line.


My father in law. My father in law. Seriously. That is a fucked up mother fucker.

First of all, he told us he would be by at 12 on Saturday. He showed up at 8:30 and just WALKED IN to my house. I had let the dogs out and not re-locked the door and he just walked the fuck into my goddamn house. It is two days later and I am still this pissed. I told J if it EVER happened again that he could not come back in EVER. I am sorry, this fucking man needs to learn some boundaries some time.

There are people who can just walk into my house. Most of those people would never do it though. Because they were not brought up by wolverines. But those people would also show up at the time that they said they would and also wait to be invited--not fucking invite themselves.

I bolted and went shopping with my mother. When I got back J and Chris were just sitting there. Not talking. But Chris hung around for another four hours. I don't know how many hours most people need to understand that their kids hates them but Chris still doesn't get it.

When he left J tells me about what he found on his dad's computer when he was fixing it. Chris is a member of alt.com. Now this is a website for alternative lifestyles. He could be into any number of things. J decides to investigate by logging on as his dad. I tried to tell him. It could be something harmless or it could be something that is fine unless it is your dad.

He looked around and got to where his dad had listed his sexual orientation as "open to anything." I talked him into logging off. And I kept him from correcting the spelling on the profile. I figure if the guy cannot spell love or cuddles he shouldn't get any.


J called his mom to whine at her about this whole thing. And she tells him some crazy shit about his dad. Things that kids should not know about their fathers. This is why divorce is so bad. She wouldn't tell him about this if it were her doing it with him. Or maybe she would. These people are different than me.

A scary visit. And a scarier follow up call by Kari. All I could tell J when he told me all of this is that I cannot have this man alone with me ever. And I don't really want him in my house. Before ya'll start thinking that I am so closed minded. The fetish that Kari told J about involves Chris perpetuating violence on some one who may not have been a willing participant.

I am tolerant. But that sounds like a felony to me.

Now she is talking about something that happened twenty years ago. But I sure as hell don't need to be alone with him do I?

He also brought us matching his and her watches. Possibly the ugliest, pimpiest nasty things ever made. They are so ugly I cannot even re-gift them (which is what we normally do with his gifts) because I would be ashamed for people to ever know that these were in my house.

Yes. I am shallow. I am a snob. But I do not wear ugly spray-painted gold nasty-ass watches.

I am a terrible daughter-in-law. But I did prevent his kid from doing too much damage to his alt.com profile.

6:16 a.m. :: comment ::
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