Tantrum Warehouse
Tact Free Since 2003

Pardon Me, Sybil

So my er ladytime is late. About two weeks late.

This is distressing news.

I know. It is a little late to lock the barn door now or whatever the saying is. But honestly ya'll, I didn't realize that I would get pregnant.

Not that I am.

Because I am totally not.

I had an attack of Crohn's. That can delay things. I could just be adjusting to being off the pill. UM.

Two weeks? Does that seem excessive to anyone else? And man am I bloated. Or at least that better be bloat because otherwise I am having about seven babies.

I don't know why this is so alarming to me to even think of. But I have this total feeling right now of WAIT! NOT YET!!! Who am I kidding? I cannot be a parent? Seriously. We don't make enough money. I am only twenty-five years old. My house is too small. I have never been to Europe.

I asked J if he would be mad at me if I were pregnant. He just stared at me. Then I remembered, OH YEAH he would be HAPPY.

But I still feel like maybe he wouldn't be. That I would end up at about seven months pregnant and he would just freak out about having to grow up and shit and start drinking whiskey at three every afternoon and bitching to me about the electric bill.

I am the only one in this family allowed to have a mental health crisis thank you.

But when I look at this writing and how crazy I sound I know that am totally not pregnant. This is a PMS ramble if I ever saw one.

I need a Midol.

7:26 a.m. :: comment ::
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