Tantrum Warehouse
Tact Free Since 2003

Doggie Rebellion

My dogs are staging a little rebellion.

I am not sure if they are rebelling against the cat invasion, our changed schedule or the rain. It is possible that they are rebelling against Channel 53 not showing back to back episodes or Beverly Hills 90210 (the early years) on Friday mornings. God knows that makes me want to rebel.

They are just crapping and pissing everywhere. And yes, they are small dogs. But its still just the grossest thing ever to wake up in the morning to the faint smell of poop in the air.

Sadly, I can smell it anywhere in my house.

Now Buster is just dumb. I think he gets excited and wants to play when he is outside. And then ends up inside and has to crap. So he just finds a spot and hopes we won't notice. Or will blame each other. Honestly, he is dumb enough that he just might think I would blame J. And maybe if the piles were bigger I might. He is a Yankee fan. They shit on the rug sometimes.

Darla, however, is smart. And can hold her bladder until the end of time. If a nuclear bomb ever hits my neighborhood the only things surviving would be Twinkies and Darla's bladder. Still full.

But the thing is she hates the rain. And she hates the cold. And her legs are so very very short. I am not sure why God made a dog that looks like her. Perhaps God has a serious sense of humor. Perhaps he thought he needed a walking punch line in the canine world. But she is a little chubby. With short legs (this is why I like her! she is like me!). And her stomach, well it drags on the fucking ground a bit. And her long pretty fur gets wet. And she hates that.

So we are the time of year that Darla doesn't want to go outside and would rather piss on my bathrobe than get her paws wet. Especially since she knows there is a 50-50 shot we will blame Buster.


Between that and the kitty litter I am going to start drinking any day here.

I am thinking of buying the house down the street. I could live there and leave J with the animals. What? He could come for conjugal visits. Is that taking the spoiled animal thing to far?

4:05 p.m. :: comment ::
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